You left me with nothing but a kiss.

Everything looks so,fine from here and I know in time,my smile..it won't be as big as it is now,my eyes..they won't have the same glint they always usually have. In time,even my mere presence will fade. In some eyes,but not in others. I hope not in yours,or yours or yours. This will never burn out,because some things,some friendships,some relationships never do,no matter the time or the distance it has endured. I wonder,had things turn out differently,would I still be who I am today? Would I hate myself more or love myself any less? I'd probably see things in a whole new perspective,a whole new light but would it be any dimmer or brighter,I will never truly know? That aside,I'm going to miss you and you and even you. Please don't mistaken this for a goodbye which it is not,not even close. It's just..a note on how I feel on this specific day,on this specific topic because frankly,things have been moving a little too fast for my liking and I want to remember how I felt today so I don't take for granted any other memories or events that take place from here on out.
The clock is ticking,and I have nine minutes left. Even a blog post seems to be rushed these days. A rush,how fast a meal is..how fast you can burn the calories from that meal,how long you sleep,how long it takes you to wake up,how long you have till college starts,how long you have till school ends (forever),how long you have to finish an entire chapter on..salts.

God,this is frustrating. I don't know how to phrase this but..no,forget it. Five minutes are up and I have another five. Five minutes that are neither too long nor short.
Soon enough,things will have to slow down right?

Lately it's been hard to breathe..

but maybe if I take it slow,it would work better. Breathe in* breathe out.
Crying is not part of the plan. Neither is wallowing in misery.
Eating? A HUNDRED AND ONE FUCKING PERCENT YEAH.

But then the little voice in my head goes "TOO FAT TOO FAT STARVE YOURSELF." to which I respond "To hell with." I'm suffering major emotional issues,the least I deserve is packet of M&Ms..or two. ( at the moment,I could even blame in on my ongoing period cravings. Oh yeah,I'm cunning like that.)


No..But I might feel guilty later on and then,I'll feel so horrible and fat and disgusting and convince myself that I am destined to a life without self control.
Back to square one : wallowing in misery.




Welcome to my life.

You May Say I'm A Dreamer But I Am Not The Only One.

John Lennon,makes sense. To be specific,Imagine makes so much of sense - as much sense as a song can make. It could be on replay the entire day and I still wouldn't consider it 'overplayed' like how some songs,after you hear so much of it..you subconsciously tend to press forward whenever it plays but not a John Lennon and definitely not Imagine. Ironic how you make such amazing music and what you get in return,is speeding bullets penetrating your body,piercing through your aorta. Likewise,you express peace through songs of determination and faith,but at the same time you're diagnosed with malignant melanoma and your vital organs begin to deteriorate. I suppose every little thing didn't turn out to be alright for Bob Marley - king of reggae.
I've always wondered,how on earth did Yoko Ono survive the death of the love of her life? It does make me cringe whenever I think of losing you but what I fail to realize is that I lost you a long time ago.

...you don't even know who Yoko Ono is.





'Something always brings me back to you and it never takes too long."
My words were harsh and blunt but we can't keep running in circles.
Its 12.30 and I miss you.

You With The Sad Eyes,Don't Be Discouraged //

I have proven to myself YET AGAIN that I can't seem to follow through on anything. How? This blog has been left unattended for so long. And again,I find it so easy to click "delete all posts" and poof,a year of memories- deleted. Maybe I do need a fresh start,but deleting all your posts in a pathetic blog doesn't do that. I could still give it a shot.
Whether this fresh start will result in change is besides the point.
Either way,I can assure you that I will try my level best to keep this thing alive because I want to be able to look back at the things that have happened in my last year in high school. As of now here,the past four years never even happened.
So maybe this might be the best place to : start over.




To the boy in Illinois,Avatar did win the Oscars.